Leave the Money on the Dresser

Imagine for a moment that, after being handed your mail in the morning, you read over the various envelopes. Among the usual daily fair such as an invitation to take tea with Queen Elizabeth, Queen Beatrix, Queen Marguerite along with Kenny Kingston (Oh! Sweet Spirit!) channeling Princess Diana, a bill from the farrier, and a selection of fabric samples from a firm on Saville Row, one finds a letter from Senator Bill Frist. Bill Frist! The Senate Majority Leader! Oh, happiness and joy! Does he want you to advise him on national policy? Perhaps you'll be guest of honor at a Senatorial banquet.

One opens the envelope eagerly and finds, not a note of thanks and appreciation just for being one's self, but something called Senate Majority Leader's Survey. In other words, it is a document that purports to express interest on the part of the Republican Party in one's opinions and values just because one is just so darn important. And (what a coincidence!) there is, on the back of said questionnaire, a form to fill out just in case one has an extra $25 to $500 to give those nobles who parade under the sign of the elephant. "Just tell me what you want, big boy. And don't forget to leave the cash on the dresser."

The questionnaire is made up of forty-five questions divided up into 9 general topics ranging from Values Issues (a dodgey issue, no matter what the party) to National and Homeland Security to Energy Policy and environment. An issue that is not addressed is illegal immigration, but that only makes sense because cheap labor is a good thing for such big businesses as food processing, farming and construction even if the illegal immigrant labor is, in fact and in truth, made up of criminals who have broken the law by entering the land without permission.

But among the ironplate questions the following two are of interest:

1.) Should we reduce spending for programs like farm price supports, Veteran's benefits, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc. to balance the federal budget?

2.)Should we reduce spending for programs like education, research, FBI, Coast Guard, Customs Service, Housing and Transportation to balance the budget?

The choices given for reply are Yes, No, Undecided. Look at the questions again. Do each of them seem to be rather broad in subject matter to be answered Yes or No? What do Veteran's benefits have to do with farm price supports? Or the Coast Guard with education?

Methinks I smell a rat. Again.

Well, it's off to tea. Don't want to keep the ladies waiting.