Your faithful correspondent has spent a good portion of the past few months dealing with the estate of the late Baroness Nib. Unfortunately for all concerned this writer is the executor of the will. In trying to be a responsible executor yours truly has had to deal with lawyers, para-legals, notaries, real estate people and workmen. And one thing has been noticed; almost all of them, once discovering one's given name, are all too quick and eager to start addressing one by one's given name, while, in fact, they should, out of a sense of respect and courtesy, address one by an honorific followed by one's surname.
Those who personally know this writer know that he is not a stuffy or uptight person. In fact, he is pretty casual and fairly friendly. Being a citizen of the United States he does not expect people to address him as "Lord Nib" despite the fact that, while not born to the blue, he is a natural aristocrat. But he does expect people with whom he is not on a familiar basis to call him "Mr. Nib" simply because yours refers to the other person as "Mr. Smith", "Miss Jones", "Mrs. Johnson", or "Ms Angry."
In dealing with all these people, who have all been hired to perform various duties and tasks by this writer there is an invariable sequence of events: Yours introduces himself as Marmaduke Nib. The other person introduces herself at Patty Sneakyrealtor. Then, immediately Ms Sneakyrealtor starts calling your faithful correspondent "Marmaduke", or even worse "Marmie." And she continues doing so despite that fact that this writer continues to call her "Ms Sneakyrealtor." She's so damn dense that she doesn't realize that she is being urged to return the courtesy without the writer coming out and saying plainly, "Call me Mr. Nib, if you please, madame." To which she'll probably reply, "But I don't please. I want to be your friend. Call me Patty."
Here's the point: It is only common courtesy to address other people by an honorific and their surname until until given permission by the person to use the Christian name. People have a right, face to face, to expect to be called by the name they want to be called by. In this day where a clean tee shirts and jeans are considered almost formal wear people are all too eager to be "friends" with someone they really do not know. A person one has just met, nowadays, is all too quick to assume that one is their friend and they expect one to be their friend. A person may want to be considered one's friend, but one, if nothing else, has the right whether or not to consider that person a friend. In the not too far past it was a trick for a car salesman to use one's given name as soon as he could because he wanted to appear to be one's friend. After all, a friend wouldn't cheat another friend on a deal, would they?
And the usage of an honorific and surname for another person is a sign that one respects the other person in a professional manner. Your faithful correspondent has worked with people for over ten years, known them well and are professionally friendly with them and yet refers to them as "Mrs. McCoy" or "Mr. McGee"
and they refer to yours as "Mr. Nib." We are equals, and yet separate. We like one another, depend on one another, but we realize that we really aren't friends in the old sense in which a friend was an especially close person and not just an acquaintance. Now it seems that every-God-damn-body is one's friend and one is supposed to buy the world a Coke.
One should especially expect one to be called "Mr. X" by people one hires to perform duties or tasks. Those people are one's, in a sense, employees. One is paying them. This goes for doctors (consider the fact that when one goes to the doctor the doctor usually refers to one as Otto {or whatever one's name is} while if one calls the doctor Myron he has a hissy fit and says that one should call him Dr. DeGaulle), lawyers and anyone who one pays to perform a task. One is paying them to perform a task. One should expect the person, even if they recognize the common courtesy and respect in name usage, to address one in the most respectful and courteous manner because one is paying that person. To be crude, one is that person's boss and should be treated as such. And those who are all too eager to call one Otis (or whatever one's name is) should be considered on the same level as Gypsies trying to sell one a "great horse" or Travellers offering to paint one's house for a "great price" because they have "left over" paint from another job.
So, this writer advises that the reader expect he or she be called Mr., Miss, Mrs. or Ms by those with whom one is dealing until one gives the person permission to call one by one's first name. And, of course, one should show the courtesy to the person one is dealing with until given permission to do otherwise. If the person insists on using one's Christian name the best thing to do for both one's self and the other person is to say, once the other person has said, "Well, Jasper....." one rudely interrupts that person and say, "Pardon my rudeness, Mr. Shyster, but starting now I would prefer that you call me, Mister. You are not my buddy. You are not my friend. This is a professional relationship. Let's keep it that way." You, the reader, will benefit. And the other person will benefit simply because you have drawn a line that makes clear that there is a difference between business and friendship.
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