Some Things Are...

Some things are better left alone. Take for example the fountain pen. The ballpoint pens was supposed to be an improvement for the fountain pen. The advantage was that a ballpoint could make carbon copies. The disadvantage was that the ink in ballpoints is oil based and results in smears while accepting invitations from the Queen for all night sessions of Texas Hold 'em. The porous tip pen was intended to replace the ball point. The result was mashed points for those with heavy hands. Then came the roller ball, then the gel ink pen. Both of those have ink that results in smears if one is a fast scribesman. And so, after about fifty years, the fountain pen is back because it does the simple thing. It writes in a quick drying ink and has a point-to-paper drag that makes some semblance of decent penmanship possible. One could even argue that the fountain pen was a needless, indeed deleterious, improvement on the steel (sometimes called the "dip") pen since the steel pen, during it's height, allowed the user to change the nib type and ink color with less trouble than the various "improvements." Besides, a mischievous, but charming rascal, is now unable to dip the pigtails of the girl he will marry some fifteen years later into the inkwell.

Another thing that has recently been changed is the beer tap. Properly speaking, beer in a bar, a pub or a brauhaus should be drawn from an oak keg using a wooden spigot. But modern life, being what it is i.e., sometimes pretty crappy, the pressurized aluminum keg with metal tap has gained ascendancy. The proper drawing of a pint of beer was an art. The trick was to draw a beer without getting too much of a head, but with a head. The proper drawing of a pint of Guinness was the doctorate of beer drawing. A good bartender would hand over to the customer a pint glass of the brew with a quarter inch head despite the fact that Guinness, if poured or drawn improperly, results in a glass of foam with a little stout at the bottom.

A fellow in the Great Lakes region has come up with a new spout for beer taps that makes the drawing of a proper pint as easy (perhaps easier) than drawing a Dr. Pepper. at the local 7-11. Every glass, no matter how clumsy, stupid or rushed the barkeep is the head is always between 1/4 and 3/8 an inch. I don't know if it works with Guinness. I'd be surprised if it does. But consider this: A man or woman walking into a bar for a beer has no business being rushed or being in a hurry. A bar, tavern, pub or cantina is a place to relax and loll about talking politics, baseball, playing skittles or cribbage. A beer from the keg should be a leisurely thing. A beer (including the waiting for the over-priced beer) at a ball game should be a leisurely thing if for no other reason than the fact that baseball is a leisurely game. Any guy or gal in a hurry to get a draft beer should run over to the local liquor store and pick up a can of King Cobra or Olde English 800 because that person isn't interested in beer. That person is interested in getting a buzz. The new tap spout is for the buzzers.

The new spout is to the good drawing of a beer what paint by numbers is to art.

But I've got to end this now because I have to mend my quill.