Da Guest Post

(Editor's Note: Your faithful correspondent is now in Ceylon checking on the state of his and the Lovely Lady Nib's tea plantations. Because of this writer's absence from the American scene he has asked his cousin, Duke Ka'amena'acha of Kauai, Hawaii to fill in for this post.)

Aloha all,
Dis Duke Ka'amena'cha talkin'. I mean really talkin'. I got dis kine dat I talk in and it make words on da screen o' da computa. Hope you like what I talk.
President Obama, lots o' people say, is Hawaiian 'cause he s'possed to be born in Hawaii. I say he's no Hawaiian eben if he was. He's a shahkbait wit' dark skin. Really, dat guy is a popolo who act like a moke. Dat guy as Hawaiian as Chicago. A moke. He no live and live. He want to live you live. He want to surf you surf. Who need dat?
Here's da kine.
Obama is da guy who, at da luau, when he see you poi stick his finga in you poi and not stick to his own poi. Who needs dat? My poi is my poi. You poi is you poi. But he want my poi eben if he has his own poi. Or he wants my poi to be give to some moke. He da guy dat take a wahine to Diamon' Head and say dey goin' to watch da submarine races and da wahine get his torpedo. You da wahine, his lolo ideas da torpedo. An' you get da torpedo big. Ouch and aiee!
Da damn guy want to make us all shahkbaits like in Europe. Who need dat kukai? If I want to be a shahkbait dis guy would move to Belgium.
Dis guy hope that in 2012 dat Obama say "pau hana" and go back to Chicago and shut up. Dat Obama is lolo and a pukahead. No respec' fo' us, da people. He no a shaka dude.
Just because a guy talk story good don't mean dat he a good dude
Bumbye mebee da kines get bettah. But don' wait unda wata.
Mahalo,
Da Duke